Dry and Weary

I try to manage it every morning, but some days just take off with a speed of their own and what I try doesn't always make it to what I do.

What is "it" you ask? Why Bible reading with my daughter, of course. Lately it's been the most devotional time I've had. We've been working through the psalms one (and sometimes only part of one) per day.

A couple of days ago we hit Psalm 63. And when I say "hit" I mean as in "me, like a ton of bricks." Let me share some of my thoughts and responses to these powerful words.

I've often wondered about why God leaves us alone. Not theologically, I mean, He's promised never to leave us. Yet sometimes, He doesn't talk much. My prayers just seem to be drifting out there. God seems really far away.

David says, "I've worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts." (v1)

It had never really occurred to me that maybe He just wants me to miss Him. To remember Him. To let absence (or perceived absence) make the heart grow fonder.

"So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in Your strength and glory. In Your generous love I am really living at last! My lips brim praises like fountains. I bless You every time I take a breath; my arms wave like banners of praise to You." (v2-4)

That sure isn't the place I've been for the past several weeks. How is it that we understand the idea of discipline and continuing to do something whether or not we are emotionally invested when we're talking about reading the Bible, attending church or prayer meetings, but when it comes to worship and singing there seems to be this idea floating about that it's only "real" when I feel like it?

"If I'm sleepless at midnight, I spend the hours in grateful reflection." (v6)

Don't know about you, but I'm generally not grateful to be sleepless, whatever the hour. Sleep is a highly valued commodity here at our house. My first thought upon waking in the middle of the night generally isn't, "Praise God! More time to worship You." Perhaps it ought to be.

"Because you've always stood up for me, I'm free to run and play." (v7)

Isn't this the very picture of a confident child? I don't think I'm a confident princess (daughter of the King). I find that trust is often hard to come by and I feel weighed down by the cares of the life in this world, rather than free to play.

"But the king is glad in God; his true friends spread the joy..." (v11)

When strangers look at me, do they see joy in my face? Am I glowing and empowered by the work of God in my life? Am I spreading the joy, not just in this holiday season, but throughout the days and years of my life? Do people want to spend time with me? Do they want to know what makes me different? Am I different enough that people notice?