I was in the middle of making dinner when Rosi bounced into the kitchen to tell me, "Mo-om, Ian is taking his diaper off!"
Caught up in stirring constantly, I chose to ignore her latest communique. You'd think I would know better by now.
Thirty seconds passed and she came back, "Mo-om, Ian peed on the floor!"
Oh, joy.
I thought boys were supposed to be ready for toilet training later than girls. I figured I'd have a good three years before I needed to worry about this sort of thing.
Anybody know how to sign, "You're early; come back to me in 19 months"? You'd think they'd include these important phrases in those baby signing DVDs.
Tuesday, April 19
Sunday, April 17
Things You Never Expect to Hear
At Ian's baptism last Easter, he was given a crucifix. Rather than simply having the cross hanging on a wall, Adam and I feel it's important to allow him to touch it and interact with it on his own level. In practical terms, that means he plays with it. As with any item that is not designed for toddler use, we do supervise his play, but we don't require that he use it only for specifically religious activities.
This morning, Adam was on the living room floor playing with the kids. I was nearby, but otherwise occupied, when I suddenly overheard him give Ian an instruction in his Daddy-who-must-be-obeyed voice.
And thus we begin Holy Week. A blessed Palm Sunday to all.
This morning, Adam was on the living room floor playing with the kids. I was nearby, but otherwise occupied, when I suddenly overheard him give Ian an instruction in his Daddy-who-must-be-obeyed voice.
You do not hit Rosi with Jesus.
And thus we begin Holy Week. A blessed Palm Sunday to all.
Friday, April 15
What Happened to Spring?
As I sit here looking out my sliding glass door, there is snow falling on the grass. SNOW. It's not supposed to be snowing. It's supposed to be 60°F outside and sunny. Well, okay, the sunny is negotiable, but by the middle of April it should be warm!
And speaking of the middle of April, have you done your taxes yet? Are you waiting for the last minute, googling which post offices are going to stay open until midnight tonight? Or are you like me, nursing fond memories of the tax refund you've already spent?
While we're on the topic of spending, what is up with gas prices? Just a few weeks ago here in Sioux Falls, they were about $3.39 per gallon. This morning I paid $3.59--and that was with a 14¢ discount. I know I shouldn't complain. In Chicago the price is up over $4.00. And my friends in New Zealand are paying US$6.59 a gallon this week. Yikes. I'm feeling richer already.
Plus, in the time it took to look all that up, the snow has turned back into rain. You know what they say, "April showers bring May flowers." At this rate, there ought to be a garden full of blooms come next month.
And speaking of the middle of April, have you done your taxes yet? Are you waiting for the last minute, googling which post offices are going to stay open until midnight tonight? Or are you like me, nursing fond memories of the tax refund you've already spent?
While we're on the topic of spending, what is up with gas prices? Just a few weeks ago here in Sioux Falls, they were about $3.39 per gallon. This morning I paid $3.59--and that was with a 14¢ discount. I know I shouldn't complain. In Chicago the price is up over $4.00. And my friends in New Zealand are paying US$6.59 a gallon this week. Yikes. I'm feeling richer already.
Plus, in the time it took to look all that up, the snow has turned back into rain. You know what they say, "April showers bring May flowers." At this rate, there ought to be a garden full of blooms come next month.
Monday, April 11
What's the 2nd Greatest Commandment?
Somebody (I can't remember who anymore) gave us a book of Bible stories that came with a CD of children's songs. Rosi has taken to listening to the CD whenever we'll allow it.
Now, generally, I hate to limit her time singing and praising God, but this collection, while biblically based, tends a bit more toward insipid than inspiring. I try to listen with just half an ear while reminding myself that it's certainly a joyful noise unto the Lord.
Rosi was singing one of these songs in the car this morning and, once I identified the tune, didn't listen very closely. Then I caught a fragment of lyric and thought, "Wait, that's not right!"
I put on my listening ears and chuckled to myself as she sang her own version of a ditty about loving your neighbor.
The original words are:
Rosi's version went:
When I told Adam about it later, he laughed and asked, "Does that make it okay, then, to covet your neighbor's things?"
Now, generally, I hate to limit her time singing and praising God, but this collection, while biblically based, tends a bit more toward insipid than inspiring. I try to listen with just half an ear while reminding myself that it's certainly a joyful noise unto the Lord.
Rosi was singing one of these songs in the car this morning and, once I identified the tune, didn't listen very closely. Then I caught a fragment of lyric and thought, "Wait, that's not right!"
I put on my listening ears and chuckled to myself as she sang her own version of a ditty about loving your neighbor.
The original words are:
La la la la la la la
Love your neighbor as yourself
Rosi's version went:
La la la la la la la
La, your neighbor has your stuff
When I told Adam about it later, he laughed and asked, "Does that make it okay, then, to covet your neighbor's things?"
Saturday, April 9
The Hard Stuff
Marriage is hard. I knew that going in. We even wrote about it on the back of our wedding program. Yet, right from the start I was surprised by just how challenging I found our marriage.
While we were engaged, Adam and I took this relationship inventory (it was not, we were told, a compatibility test). Our results came back very high. The only number I actually remember anymore is a 100% we got for communication, but all the scores were high. In the hubris of young love, I rather expected we were starting off ahead of the game and I supposed marriage wouldn't be as hard for us as it was for most couples. It's been quite humbling to find I'm not so gifted at this relationship thing after all.
In the years since our engagement, I've discovered that what I had thought made marriage hard, the sacrifices, the compromises, the refocus on us rather than me, has been a breeze compared to the real hard stuff: complete and utter honesty with myself and my husband. Marriage requires me not only to recognize that I am not perfect in some vague theoretical sense, but to take responsibility for my imperfect actions and reactions that hurt the man I love and do damage to our relationship.
I have to set aside my Suzy-on-top-of-it mask, step out from behind the screen of "I've got everything together; I don't need any help" and trust Adam to show me mercy, compassion, and grace when I have failed utterly. It requires me to be transparent, vulnerable. I don't like vulnerable. I like to be able to trust myself and not have to count on anybody else. Adam says I'm a control freak. Or, when he's feeling more generous, he calls me high maintenance.
It's just so much easier not to have to rely on somebody else, especially when I know he is going to let me down. Maybe not today or even this week, but, because he's imperfect himself, Adam lets me down sometimes. He says and does things that hurt me. I don't like that. And, if I am being honest, I say and do things that hurt him. I don't like that either.
Still, if I don't let Adam get close enough to hurt me, he's not close enough to love me either. Just why these two must go hand in hand is part of my ongoing argument with God about the necessity of free will. However, until I can convince Him otherwise (I'm not holding my breath waiting for that day), this is the way of the world. I don't like it, but if I refuse to accept it, if I hold back or try to hide the real me in an attempt to keep from experiencing pain, I miss out on real love.
That is very, very hard.
While we were engaged, Adam and I took this relationship inventory (it was not, we were told, a compatibility test). Our results came back very high. The only number I actually remember anymore is a 100% we got for communication, but all the scores were high. In the hubris of young love, I rather expected we were starting off ahead of the game and I supposed marriage wouldn't be as hard for us as it was for most couples. It's been quite humbling to find I'm not so gifted at this relationship thing after all.
In the years since our engagement, I've discovered that what I had thought made marriage hard, the sacrifices, the compromises, the refocus on us rather than me, has been a breeze compared to the real hard stuff: complete and utter honesty with myself and my husband. Marriage requires me not only to recognize that I am not perfect in some vague theoretical sense, but to take responsibility for my imperfect actions and reactions that hurt the man I love and do damage to our relationship.
I have to set aside my Suzy-on-top-of-it mask, step out from behind the screen of "I've got everything together; I don't need any help" and trust Adam to show me mercy, compassion, and grace when I have failed utterly. It requires me to be transparent, vulnerable. I don't like vulnerable. I like to be able to trust myself and not have to count on anybody else. Adam says I'm a control freak. Or, when he's feeling more generous, he calls me high maintenance.
Sally Albright: Well, I just want it the way I want it.
Harry Burns: I know; high maintenance.
from When Harry Met Sally
It's just so much easier not to have to rely on somebody else, especially when I know he is going to let me down. Maybe not today or even this week, but, because he's imperfect himself, Adam lets me down sometimes. He says and does things that hurt me. I don't like that. And, if I am being honest, I say and do things that hurt him. I don't like that either.
Still, if I don't let Adam get close enough to hurt me, he's not close enough to love me either. Just why these two must go hand in hand is part of my ongoing argument with God about the necessity of free will. However, until I can convince Him otherwise (I'm not holding my breath waiting for that day), this is the way of the world. I don't like it, but if I refuse to accept it, if I hold back or try to hide the real me in an attempt to keep from experiencing pain, I miss out on real love.
That is very, very hard.
Tuesday, April 5
Glory Hallelujah!
I am pleased to announce that after much frustration and searching the internet for answers, I got our wireless connection working (and secured) again. Hoorah!!
If anybody out there has similar troubles, or just in case I need to find them again, let me share the websites that I found most helpful for resetting the wireless router.
For setting up the router from scratch, I used a tutorial from TopBits.com called How to Setup a Linksys Router. That got the wireless signal broadcasting.
In order to secure the signal, I followed the instructions from Microsoft in their article 5 steps: How to set up your home wireless network. This offered more information about what was important to change from the factory settings and the rest of the options that I didn't need to worry about.
Now that everything is back in place, I'm off to watch Dancing with the Stars on Hulu with Adam in the living room. No more huddling around the computer desk in the office. Yay!
If anybody out there has similar troubles, or just in case I need to find them again, let me share the websites that I found most helpful for resetting the wireless router.
For setting up the router from scratch, I used a tutorial from TopBits.com called How to Setup a Linksys Router. That got the wireless signal broadcasting.
In order to secure the signal, I followed the instructions from Microsoft in their article 5 steps: How to set up your home wireless network. This offered more information about what was important to change from the factory settings and the rest of the options that I didn't need to worry about.
Now that everything is back in place, I'm off to watch Dancing with the Stars on Hulu with Adam in the living room. No more huddling around the computer desk in the office. Yay!
Monday, March 28
PBPBPBFFT!
That's the sound of all the air escaping from my blog when real life got busy this month. I do actually have a lot to share, but let's start with a catchall post full of bullets, shall we?
- Adam and I hadn't been spending the time we should have on the care and feeding of our marriage. This all became more than obvious in the middle of the night one night when we had a huge fight and I stalked off angrily as though he were the only one to blame. Thankfully, we'd already made plans the following few days to help some friends move out of their rental house several hours away. We spent nearly the entire drive talking about what was wrong, how we were both feeling about it, and what we could do to make things better. Each of us admitted to letting things slide when we should have taken more initiative to show one another that we cared and we both committed to moving forward with a new spirit of lifting each other up, both emotionally and spiritually.
The past four weeks have really been like a second honeymoon for our relationship. I feel like I've found the man I married again and the grumpy fellow who'd been living here in his place has moved out. I also have been feeling more energized and encouraged to be the kind of woman and the kind of wife I'd like to be, supporting Adam and loving him a little more like the way he deserves to be loved. I won't suggest we've now got it all figured out and I don't expect problems to ever darken our marital doorstep again, but I do feel as though we've taken a turn out of the valley of the shadow of relationship death and back on the path toward the fullness of joy that God intended marriage to be.
- I had bronchitis once before, when I was in college. I vaguely remember coughing a lot, spending more time sleeping than I would have normally, and generally not feeling up to par. This time, I took two days off from the world and stayed mostly in bed. I didn't really have a choice in the matter, my body simply refused to stay awake and keep going for me. When I wasn't hacking up a lung, drinking gallons of water, or letting the gallons of water out the other end, I was lost in a dreamless sleep, only peripherally aware of my family and responsibilities I might normally have. Adam and the kids valiantly went on without me (shows me how indispensable I am). They each got a bit of a cough, but I was the only one knocked down flat by it.
- About the same time, we got a notice from our landlord that our apartment was to be inspected. The notice sent a shudder of fear down our collective spines. Amidst letting the maintenance on our marriage go, Adam and I had also let the housekeeping go as well. We do know how to keep our home clean, we are discovering, we just hadn't been doing what it took to get it done. Our place had begun to resemble the houses you see on those TV programs about the people who hoard trash and need professionals to come in and help them divide up what they're keeping from what they're tossing out or giving away. Unfortunately, though I was well enough to leave my sickbed, every time I tried to do something active, like pick up my son, for instance, or walk from one end of the apartment to the other, I started coughing again, hard enough to make myself gag.
Though Adam explained the situation to our apartment manager and asked for a few more days to get the place ready before they came to look at it, he was told that we could not have it. We fully expected to be served with an eviction notice and were trying to figure out just where to go from here, both metaphorically and literally. The option to pack a few clothes, toys, and mementos into the back of our car and move ourselves, unencumbered, to another state was beginning to sound like a half-decent idea. We spent a lot of time praying that God would bring us a miracle and it would be clear to us what we should do next. I wasn't sure whether to expect the cleaning fairies to come in the middle of the night (I was rooting for that, myself), the apartment complex to burn down while we were out, or something else just as extraordinary.
In the end, while it was clearly the miracle we'd been praying for, the management company's decision to give us another week to clean up the mess we'd been living in wasn't quite so dramatic as I'd hoped. The afternoon we received that notice, we discussed it and both of us felt that we needed to take this opportunity to do the right thing and, being sufficiently recovered to move freely without breaking into coughing fits, start the hard work of putting our house back in order. Over the better part of four days, with a couple of hours of hired help from a joyful janitorial service, we thoroughly cleaned our entire apartment. The few shreds of dignity I still have intact keep me from revealing just how many bags of rubbish we took to the dumpster, but it was more than I would have guessed, even from the middle of the mess. In addition to the bags of trash, we got rid of several pieces of furniture that had become broken beyond repair. While we weren't able to make everything look quite as good as when we'd moved in, we were pretty amazed and proud of what we were able to accomplish in just under a week. When the apartment manager returned to make her repeat inspection, she stepped into the door and immediately told us the place looked awesome and we'd done a great job.
- During our escapade of cleaning and tidying, we rearranged Adam's home office. Unfortunately, we managed to do something that killed our wireless connection. I'm not sure whether the problem is with the laptop, which was in "hibernate" mode when we unplugged everything, or with the router itself. I am able to connect to the internet using a network cable, but that isn't terribly convenient when the router lives in the office and the laptop is supposed to have its home base on my desk in the living room.
Additionally, there has been a separate (we think) problem with Adam's work computer which the IT people have not yet been able to fix remotely. He's had to work at the office for most of the past week and a half. It's been a huge change for us, having just gotten used to him working from home since December. Now he's been gone again for 10-12 hours a day. We all miss him, but Ian, especially has been taking it hard. The other night, for the last hour or so of Adam's shift, he kept walking over to the window, pointing out, and crying. This morning, Adam was told to disconnect his CPU and bring it in for them to work on directly. I have hopes that by the end of the week he will have a fully functioning system and be able to cut out his commute once again.
- The other day I brought the DVD of Mr. Mom home from the library. I've been thinking about that movie a lot the past several weeks. Recently, Adam and I had decided for sure that we would be making plans to switch primary roles. He'll be staying home with the kids and I'll be going back to work full time. I'm both excited and scared by the idea. I haven't worked full time since before we were married. In fact, now that I think about it, since before we met! I've had to completely rewrite my resume. I've been putting the finishing touches on it for the last two weeks or so, in between being sick and cleaning house. There is one job opening I already know I'll be applying for, but I haven't spent too much time seeing what's out there yet. The nice thing about this transition is--now that we're not required to leave our current residence within 7 days--we have time to look around and find a position that would really be suitable for me and for the whole family. I really appreciate that I'm not having to look for a job because we're out of work and need the money, but I can be a bit more choosy as I consider where I'd like to apply.
Sunday, March 13
I Needed to Read This Again
It's been that kind of a week. I was reminded a couple of days ago of the Psalm 23 paraphrase I wrote several months ago and thought it was worth revisiting.
May the peace of the Lord be with you, whatever your circumstances.
May the peace of the Lord be with you, whatever your circumstances.
The Lord is my guardian,
He will provide everything I’ll ever need.
He calls me to rest and provides me with abundance,
He walks with me, satisfying my hunger and slaking my thirst,
He makes my soul new.
He leads me to make good choices in life,
Because I love Him.
Even when I pass through dark and dangerous places,
I have nothing to be afraid of,
Because You are beside me;
The power You hold in Your hands
Encourages me to be brave.
You bless me and celebrate me
Right in front of those who’d rather hurt me.
You heal my injuries and show everyone that You choose me;
I am filled with joy.
All the good things You give me will be with me
For the rest of my life,
And I will be a part of Your family
Always.
Saturday, February 26
So Not Super
My children are driving me crazy. One more than the other, but both are contributing.
Today is a day I really wish we had normal weekend Saturdays like the majority of folks. I just want a lazy Saturday afternoon to go play in the snow at the park or something. Instead I'm "supervising" the kids while they're cleaning potato chips off the living room rug.
I put it in quotes because, clearly, as I'm writing a blog post right now, I'm not doing much in the way of supervising. Of course, they're not doing much in the way of cleaning either.
Rosi is flipping through a book of cross stitch samplers asking me, "What does X have to do with apples? Apples don't start with an X."
Ian is climbing into the toy box and sitting on top of the toys with his little feet sticking up in the air.
Deep breath.
Okay. I guess I can go be the grown up.
But later, I'm goofing off.
Today is a day I really wish we had normal weekend Saturdays like the majority of folks. I just want a lazy Saturday afternoon to go play in the snow at the park or something. Instead I'm "supervising" the kids while they're cleaning potato chips off the living room rug.
I put it in quotes because, clearly, as I'm writing a blog post right now, I'm not doing much in the way of supervising. Of course, they're not doing much in the way of cleaning either.
Rosi is flipping through a book of cross stitch samplers asking me, "What does X have to do with apples? Apples don't start with an X."
Ian is climbing into the toy box and sitting on top of the toys with his little feet sticking up in the air.
Deep breath.
Okay. I guess I can go be the grown up.
But later, I'm goofing off.
Monday, February 14
Way(s) to Celebrate
This post originally appeared February 14, 2009.
When I was in college, I had a friend who used to hate Valentine's Day, with all the attendant emphasis on being part of a couple. He referred to the occasion as "Single Awareness Day" or S.A.D. I have had a year or two (or twelve) in my life when S.A.D. was all I could manage, but for the most part, I'm much more interested in being a part of things, even if it's not in the conventional way.
So, today, I'd like to share with all my single, married, engaged, divorced, separated, and involved readers some ways to make this holiday that focuses on love meaningful for whomever is special in your life. Some of the ideas below may be more appropriate for a significant other. Others might be just right for a parent, child, sibling, or friend. Take your pick and make a fun day of it. Or, hey, choose several and celebrate all year!
When I was in college, I had a friend who used to hate Valentine's Day, with all the attendant emphasis on being part of a couple. He referred to the occasion as "Single Awareness Day" or S.A.D. I have had a year or two (or twelve) in my life when S.A.D. was all I could manage, but for the most part, I'm much more interested in being a part of things, even if it's not in the conventional way.
So, today, I'd like to share with all my single, married, engaged, divorced, separated, and involved readers some ways to make this holiday that focuses on love meaningful for whomever is special in your life. Some of the ideas below may be more appropriate for a significant other. Others might be just right for a parent, child, sibling, or friend. Take your pick and make a fun day of it. Or, hey, choose several and celebrate all year!
- Buy a package of note cards and write to your loved one (LO) every day or week until the cards run out
- Do (or arrange for someone else to do) LO's least-liked chores for a few days or weeks
- Get tickets to a series of LO's favorite movies, ballgames, symphonies, gallery openings, rodeos or whatever he or she is into and attend together
- Write out a bunch of quotes and simple thoughts about love, marriage or encouragement on strips of paper, then roll up the strips inside empty capsule casings (like these) and put them in a recycled medicine bottle
- Decorate LO's car, room, or office with a banner (I use index cards strung on twine) declaring your love
- Print and frame a favorite or meaningful poem
- Buy a book of short stories or poetry and set a time every day or every week to read aloud to each other
- Arrange for a special, deluxe spa treatment, such as a massage, manicure or pedicure
- Write short love stories, or just fun stories, starring you and your special someone
- Have a good photo taken of yourself with LO and frame it or put it up as the wallpaper on his or her computer
- Start a private (or public) blog and write about different ways LO is wonderful
Wednesday, February 9
Hip Hip Hooray for the House!
I'm sending out a great big THANK YOU to the members of the South Dakota State House of Representatives today.
For the first time since homebirth midwives were first prosecuted in this state (back in the 1990s), a bill which would regulate the practice of direct-entry midwifery has passed through a full chamber of the state legislature.
The passage of this bill would allow Certified Professional Midwives the ability to practice in South Dakota. That means no more mothers would be forced to have an unassisted home birth or cross state lines to seek care from a midwife trained in an out-of-hospital setting like I did. Midwives who left the state under threat of prosecution could return to practice legally once again.
I suppose it goes without saying that those of us who have followed midwifery legislation in South Dakota for months and years now are very excited!
For the first time since homebirth midwives were first prosecuted in this state (back in the 1990s), a bill which would regulate the practice of direct-entry midwifery has passed through a full chamber of the state legislature.
The passage of this bill would allow Certified Professional Midwives the ability to practice in South Dakota. That means no more mothers would be forced to have an unassisted home birth or cross state lines to seek care from a midwife trained in an out-of-hospital setting like I did. Midwives who left the state under threat of prosecution could return to practice legally once again.
I suppose it goes without saying that those of us who have followed midwifery legislation in South Dakota for months and years now are very excited!
Saturday, February 5
I Promised Cookies
We have a favorite new breakfast treat in the Gray household: COOKIES!! I feel like the Proverbs 31 woman; my children rise up and bless me, or at least they don't complain about breakfast and even want seconds.
And before you start thinking I've turned into a pale, not-so-funny Bill Cosby, let me assure you, these are cookies you can actually feel good about serving your children for breakfast, afternoon snack, or just about any time they ask!
Breakfast Cookies
½ c applesauce
1 banana, mashed
2 c oatmeal
¼ c raisins
¼ c sliced almonds
1 T butter
2 eggs
Breakfast Bars
My family actually prefers breakfast bars to individual cookies. Instead of scooping out portions in step 2, simply press the mixture into an 8" x 8" square or 9" round baking pan and bake at 325°F for 35-40 minutes. The recipe is easily doubled to fit a 9" x 13" pan.
You can also substitute just about any fruit sauces, dried fruits or nuts to suit your taste or what you may have on hand. I've found this to be a very versatile recipe.
And before you start thinking I've turned into a pale, not-so-funny Bill Cosby, let me assure you, these are cookies you can actually feel good about serving your children for breakfast, afternoon snack, or just about any time they ask!
Breakfast Cookies
½ c applesauce
1 banana, mashed
2 c oatmeal
¼ c raisins
¼ c sliced almonds
1 T butter
2 eggs
- Beat together all ingredients
- Scoop mixture into ⅓ c portions and shape into cookies
- Place cookies on a well-greased baking pan
- Bake in a preheated 350°F oven for 20-25 minutes or until edges are a deep golden brown
- Remove immediately to a wire rack and let cool briefly before serving
Breakfast Bars
My family actually prefers breakfast bars to individual cookies. Instead of scooping out portions in step 2, simply press the mixture into an 8" x 8" square or 9" round baking pan and bake at 325°F for 35-40 minutes. The recipe is easily doubled to fit a 9" x 13" pan.
You can also substitute just about any fruit sauces, dried fruits or nuts to suit your taste or what you may have on hand. I've found this to be a very versatile recipe.
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